phone

[heartsink]

you have reached the automated voice mailbox of
user number: one nine four five nine one three
please leave your message after the tone.

Comments

[heartsink]

Okay.

Then, it's not my fault if you cave under extreme duress.

[crab]

OK HOW ABOUT THIS
IF YOU CAN SUGGEST AN ACTUAL CONCRETE METHOD BY WHICH I CAN MAKE THE TRIP BACK TO THE MOON
NOT JUST "ASK THE NETWORK, SEE WHAT HAPPENS"
AND ALSO MAKE THE TRIP *BACK*
I WILL PERSONALLY TRAVEL UP THERE TO GIVE YOU YOUR STUFF.
IN THE EVENT THAT YOU CAN'T, HOWEVER, YOU HAVE TO COME DOWN HERE AND SUFFER WITH ME.

[heartsink]

Ugh.

[heartsink]

Talk to Ashraf.

[crab]

WHICH ONE'S ASHRAF?

[heartsink]

One of the healers. Tall, scruffy beard, dark hair, middling-dark skin, unfortunately attractive. Robes.

[crab]

WAIT, HOLD UP.
"UNFORTUNATELY ATTRACTIVE"

[heartsink]

Yes. He's attractive, and it's very unfortunate.

[crab]

SINCE WHEN DO YOU JUST *HAND* ME BLACKMAIL MATERIAL LIKE THAT.
YOU USUALLY MAKE ME WORK FOR IT.

[heartsink]

What are you raving about? Once you meet him, you'll understand.

[crab]

OK BUT CONSIDER THE FACT THAT ONCE I MEET HIM, AND HE ASKS ME WHO RECOMMENDED HIM TO ME, I WILL BE IN PRIME POSITION TO DISCLOSE "HARUKA'S" "UNFORTUNATE ATTRACTION" TO THIS "ASHRAF", SHOULD I CHOOSE TO DO SO.
I'M NOT GOING TO, BUT STILL. YOU DON'T JUST GIVE THAT KIND OF LEVERAGE AWAY. AT LEAST MAKE A GUY DIG AROUND FOR IT FIRST.

[heartsink]

I'm not even *friends* with the man, Karkat, I don't think he's going to care if I think he has a nice jawline.

[crab]

NOW IT'S JUST GETTING EMBARRASSING.
WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT NOT NEEDING TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FANTASIES?

[heartsink]

One, ew.

Two, ew.

Three, you sound jealous.

And, four, ew.

[crab]

OK ONE, FUCK YOU.
TWO, FUCK YOU.
THREE, NOT WANTING THE GORY DETAILS OF YOUR FASCINATION WITH THIS ASHRAF GUY DOES NOT MAKE ME JEALOUS.
FOUR, FUCK YOU.

[heartsink]

Oh my god, you utter fucking child. He was my roommate, okay? I'm not *attracted* to him.

[crab]

YOU CALL HIM ATTRACTIVE AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO CLAIM YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM
JUST HOW GULLIBLE DO YOU THINK I AM

[heartsink]

Knowing someone is attractive doesn't guarantee personal attraction????????

[crab]

HOW OFTEN DO YOU OGLE HIM ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS

[heartsink]

No times ever.

How old are you, five?

[crab]

SIX.

[heartsink]

And you still act like a pupa.

[crab]

DID YOUR ABILITY TO TELL WHEN SOMEONE IS JOKING SHRIVEL UP AND DIE SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE DURING OUR EXTENDED MEMORY DISPARITY.

[heartsink]

You couldn't tell I was, either? I'm hurt.

[crab]

WELL THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE HAS BEEN A JOY TO PARTICIPATE IN, SECOND ONLY TO FILLING MY UNDERGARMENTS WITH A LARGE QUANTITY OF ANGRY RIPPERWASPS
BUT DO YOU HAVE A NUMBER I CAN CONTACT ASHRAF WITH.