phone

[heartsink]

you have reached the automated voice mailbox of
user number: one nine four five nine one three
please leave your message after the tone.

Comments

[heartsink]

Yes. He's attractive, and it's very unfortunate.

[crab]

SINCE WHEN DO YOU JUST *HAND* ME BLACKMAIL MATERIAL LIKE THAT.
YOU USUALLY MAKE ME WORK FOR IT.

[heartsink]

What are you raving about? Once you meet him, you'll understand.

[crab]

OK BUT CONSIDER THE FACT THAT ONCE I MEET HIM, AND HE ASKS ME WHO RECOMMENDED HIM TO ME, I WILL BE IN PRIME POSITION TO DISCLOSE "HARUKA'S" "UNFORTUNATE ATTRACTION" TO THIS "ASHRAF", SHOULD I CHOOSE TO DO SO.
I'M NOT GOING TO, BUT STILL. YOU DON'T JUST GIVE THAT KIND OF LEVERAGE AWAY. AT LEAST MAKE A GUY DIG AROUND FOR IT FIRST.

[heartsink]

I'm not even *friends* with the man, Karkat, I don't think he's going to care if I think he has a nice jawline.

[crab]

NOW IT'S JUST GETTING EMBARRASSING.
WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT NOT NEEDING TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FANTASIES?

[heartsink]

One, ew.

Two, ew.

Three, you sound jealous.

And, four, ew.

[crab]

OK ONE, FUCK YOU.
TWO, FUCK YOU.
THREE, NOT WANTING THE GORY DETAILS OF YOUR FASCINATION WITH THIS ASHRAF GUY DOES NOT MAKE ME JEALOUS.
FOUR, FUCK YOU.

[heartsink]

Oh my god, you utter fucking child. He was my roommate, okay? I'm not *attracted* to him.

[crab]

YOU CALL HIM ATTRACTIVE AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO CLAIM YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM
JUST HOW GULLIBLE DO YOU THINK I AM

[heartsink]

Knowing someone is attractive doesn't guarantee personal attraction????????

[crab]

HOW OFTEN DO YOU OGLE HIM ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS

[heartsink]

No times ever.

How old are you, five?

[crab]

SIX.

[heartsink]

And you still act like a pupa.

[crab]

DID YOUR ABILITY TO TELL WHEN SOMEONE IS JOKING SHRIVEL UP AND DIE SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE DURING OUR EXTENDED MEMORY DISPARITY.

[heartsink]

You couldn't tell I was, either? I'm hurt.

[crab]

WELL THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE HAS BEEN A JOY TO PARTICIPATE IN, SECOND ONLY TO FILLING MY UNDERGARMENTS WITH A LARGE QUANTITY OF ANGRY RIPPERWASPS
BUT DO YOU HAVE A NUMBER I CAN CONTACT ASHRAF WITH.

[heartsink]

Yeah. He's # 2009032.

Don't mention me, if you can avoid it.

[crab]

I WON'T.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW I'D EXPLAIN US TALKING WITHOUT AROUSING SOME KIND OF SUSPICION.
BUT JUDGING BY THE WAY WE'VE BEEN CARRYING ON IN THIS CONVERSATION OUR MOST CONVINCING DISGUISE MIGHT BE ONE OF ANTAGONISM.
I DON'T THINK IT'D BE HARD FOR YOU TO PRETEND YOU HATE ME.

[heartsink]

[...]

It may not seem hard, but I've been practicing for nearly a year now. Even so, this won't be easy for me.

Thank you. I know I've only made your existence here more difficult than it could have been without me.

[crab]

UGH, DON'T DO THAT
THE GRATITUDE WRAPPED UP IN SELF DEPRECATION THING. I'M SO TIRED OF THAT.
I MEAN OK I'M BASICALLY A SAINT AND YOU SHOULD BE DOWN ON YOUR KNEES THANKING ME FOR SO MUCH AS ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR EXISTENCE FOR AT LEAST TWENTY MINUTES EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK
BUT NOT DELIBERATELY RUINING SOMEONE'S LIFE ISN'T SOME GREAT AND TERRIBLE BURDEN AND ACTING LIKE IT IS IS JUST ANNOYING AND UNNECESSARY.
SO STOP.

[heartsink]

No.

And I'm sorry I slapped you.

[crab]

STOP APOLOGIZING TO AND/OR THANKING ME YOU AWFUL RUPTURED SHITCYST

[heartsink]

Would you rather I pretend I hate you to your face?