speakveryclearly: The back of Kanaya's head, in black and white. (Away)
Kanaya Maryam ([personal profile] speakveryclearly) wrote in [personal profile] heartsink 2013-12-05 10:03 am (UTC)

He Wouldnt Let Me
I Tried But He Shied Away So I Receded A Lot After That

That Is Not What You Meant Is It
Im Not Sure What Exactly The Exercise Was Supposed To Demonstrate Because If It Was That

He Did Die
Even In The Modified Timeline The Milder Infection Was Still Too Much For Him
Which Wasnt Fair But Then Again The Epidemiological Equivalent Of A Feather Probably Could Have Knocked Him Over
So Blaming His Death On The United Earth Is Merely Politically Convenient
Sometimes Innocent People Just Unfairly Expire

And I Guess What I Have Failed To Understand Is That
Your Exercise Seems Intended To Evoke In A Concrete Manner The Abstract Truth That Anti-Death Systems Are Isolated To Selected Groups Like Our Own And Not A Luxury Available To The Population At Large

When We Were Arguing In The First Place Because
You Have Deeply Internalized This Aspect Of Reality And Taken It To The Logical Conclusion That Long-Term Interpersonal Connection Is Impossible
Which Is A Viewpoint Largely Absent From Other Humans To Enter Our Ranks
Who May Not Necessarily Be Representative Of The General Population But Do Express The Obligatory Surprise And Skepticism That Such An Effective Machine Exists Implying It Is Absent In Their Own Worlds
And Some Of Them Have Even Experienced The Death Of Their Own Parents Or Peers
Nonetheless
Not A Single Person I Have Ever Met Is Anywhere Near As Surly And Paranoid And Painfully Correct About The Inevitability Of Loss As You

That Is As Far As I Got Before
I Gave Up
Because The Truth Visible Outside Of However Much Of It You Do Or Do Not Entrust To Me Is That
I Cant Understand What Has Made You That Way
I Dont Know How Many People Have To Die Or Disappear Or Turn On You Or Inflict Trauma Until Your Heart Irrevocably Turns Into A Piece Of Onyx
Other Than That It Is Probably A Lot More Than I Can Even Infer At This Point

And In Your Eye
Why Open The Door To That Closet
Not Only Is It Clear Such A Terrible Place Should Be Shut Off For The Safety Of The Outside World
If You Let Me In How Do You Know I Wont Turn Into One Of The Graves Or Ghosts Or Monsters

You Dont
I Know You Dont Know That
Because I Dont Know That Either
Ive Written This Embarrassingly Long Text Knowing There Is A Narrow But Not Entirely Neglible Chance You Will Never Receive It
I Know That My Own Doors Swing Open Whenever I Catch Sight Of You But Knocking On Your Door Cant Make You Unlock It

So If I Fail To Grasp Your Lesson Then I Shouldnt Come Crying To You About It
It Isnt Your Fault As A Teacher
Even If I Were A Student Worthy Of Special Attention
You Dont Work For Charity
And I Couldnt Pay You Enough
Your Heart Cant Be Bought

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